A Growing Unease...

The day began with me and Drew going to visit Jose. She’d said that I should go too since she had been there only yesterday. So there I was waiting for Drew to show up. I had been up and ready for quite a bit, pacing around my living room waiting for her to show up. Drew came over around ten. Usually, I would’ve invited her in for breakfast but she had informed me yesterday that she’d made arrangements with Akeno for food to be provided at the library itself since she was worried that Jose perhaps wouldn’t eat unless force-fed. A worry, I suppose, that wasn’t entirely unfounded. As I got into the car I glanced at the rearview mirror and looked at myself for the first time in a while. The bags under my eyes had nearly disappeared. My hair was neatly combed and I had taken time to trim my beard which I had let grow wild for a while before. My entire outfit was something she’d suggested to me once, it was her favourite. The jacket that I wore above my crisp white shirt went well with my trousers (yes I had managed to get out of the tracks that I usually wore around the house) and the brown overtones of the jacket and trousers complimented my eyes, as I had been told before. I found myself smiling, hesitantly. She really knows how to dress me up, I thought to myself.

Drew herself was wearing a white top with the character Mort from the Madagascar movie series and the text ‘Welcome to the Mort-uary’ written under it. She caught me staring at my reflection as she looked up to check the rearview mirror herself. She smiled and raised her hand to tousle my hair, something that she'd done countless times but for some reason, I almost flinched as she touched my hair this time, something she immediately noticed and stopped herself and asked me if everything was alright. I remember smiling and shrugging it off as she messed my hair up. A sinking feeling overtook me and I spared a glance at my house, however only the curtains stared back at me. Drew started the car and we sped off toward the library, as I carefully reshaped my hair to what it was strand by strand.

When we reached the library, Drew told me that I should wait at the entrance and pick up the food Akeno was sending over since it was almost time of the delivery. The rain had let up for just a bit however the wind still carried the wetness that rain brings with it. I sat at the steps of the entrance and tried not to let my mind wander. Idle moments like this seemed more tedious than ever before. All I wanted to do right now was be with her, but instead here I was waiting for a food delivery. I snatched the food parcels from the poor delivery boy and nearly ran into the library. By the time he’d showed up I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted to spend time with her and things kept coming in the middle of that. Speaking of, Jose didn’t seem too happy to see me even though Drew made a big deal about how one of his friends had come to visit him. He looked at me with those dark eyes and I knew immediately that I wasn’t particularly welcome, not that I had wanted to be there either, I’d simply come because she’d asked me to. His office looked like a garbage dump. Files upon files were strewn across the floor and it smelled like alcohol. Bottles of cheap rum dotted the office, some of them shattered, evidently smashed in anger. And in the middle of all of this sat Jose poring over some manuscripts with Drew standing beside him holding a sandwich, begging him to eat, her red hair tied in a messy bun with exactly two strands falling over her face. I nearly reached out to tuck one of them behind her ear as I had done countless times before but I abruptly stopped myself, instead, I just stood there and watched her move gracefully across the room and rummage through one of the files in an attempt to humour Jose. I felt my eyes linger for a bit too long and I immediately turned away and instead focused on what Jose was reading. A shiver went down my spine as I realized it was the manuscripts found on the island that he was going through. Unfortunately, for me, Jose chose that moment to look right at me and I’m sure he noticed my discomfort if not my utter fright at what he was researching upon. Thankfully, Drew walked over carrying what seemed like a photo album and began showing Jose photos of himself and Antonio as well as me and Akeno which seemed to lighten him up a bit and I quickly excused myself. Better for them to hash things out.

Outside I found the black cat that often hung out around the library. She came over to where I was sitting and made herself comfortable in my lap and began purring softly as I caressed her. At around eleven, Drew came out of Jose’s office, eyebrows furrowed and a frown on her face. The cat immediately jumped out of my lap violently, scratching me a bit in the process and stalked off when she saw Drew come over, which Drew found quite strange as the cat had always been friendly to her before. Drew was clearly tired after the ordeal that was convincing Jose to give up his “investigation” and eat. I suggested that we should head home and get some rest but Drew wanted to go to Mommy June’s and have one of June’s chocolate walnut eclairs. However, once we got there we sadly discovered that June hadn’t quite made the preparations required for it and that it won’t be ready till at least two in the afternoon. She seemed so apologetic about it that Drew began apologizing too and it led to a funny little cycle of apologies which only ended when another person walked into the bakery and June excused herself to go check up on them. We ended up having coffee and a lemon tart each. I spent most of the ride back home listening to Drew talk about Jose and how it was getting harder and harder to handle him. The way she spoke about it, it seemed as though Jose was so absorbed in his work that even though Drew was ‘interrupting it only for his own good by bringing him food and water, he’d said quite a few hurtful things to Drew. All in all, it seemed like a bad situation with him going through the records and manuscripts like a crazy man, just like she’d said. Drew then dropped me off at home and as I walked up to my door I remember taking a minute to arrange my hair and pat down my jacket, I stared at my reflection in the window beside the door and smiled a confident smile, yet as I walked in through the door outside which my beloved Bruno had breathed his last, my smile faded a little, my jacket creased ever so slightly and my hair entangled just that bit more. My own shadow stared at me from across the corridor bemusing at what I had become, and I smiled lovingly as the facade finally dropped.

02.03.18